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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Staying Home

Today I am thankful that I am able to stay home with my kids.

Don't misunderstand me, I LOVED my job and I cannot wait to get back into a classroom in a few years, but for now, I am very thankful that we are in a place where I can stay home and take care of the kids for a while.

When Nathan was a baby, I cried twice a week when I dropped him off to go to work. Not that he wasn't loved and taken care of, I knew he was and had no worries, it just didn't feel right. For months after he was born I had separation anxiety and didn't even like for other people to hold him because it felt like part of me was missing.

Yes I knew even then it was irrational, but you carry someone inside of you for 9 months, and it feels a little weird when they are finally a separate entity and even weirder when that part of you is sitting in another room with someone else.

Then I had Noah, and while I was getting a little more used to giving up my kids, Noah was not. He was extremely attached to me, crying even when Anthony held him for over a year. It made leaving him to go to work painful for everyone involved. Especially since part of this separation anxiety was to not take a bottle, or eat any food at all. Which meant driving home during my lunch and planning period just so I could feed him in the middle of the day. Thank goodness for living nearby and a job that was accommodating or I don't know how we would have survived that year!

With Elise it's been different, there is no daily anxiety, she's relaxed, I'm relaxed, it finally feels good to feel like we are all where we should be.

I'm thankful for this time to stay home and be a teacher to my own kids for a while, before heading back to the classroom.

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