My goal started off simple, lose the baby weight, plus the 9lbs I gained when Noah stopped nursing and before I got pregnant. And since then it's transformed into something completely different.
I've posted before about running, how much I hate it, how I am not a runner, how I am in no way good at running...but then something funny happened this week. I sort of started to like it.
Before Tuesday I was just sort of making myself do it because I knew I should, and because I knew I could eat more junk without feeling guilty about it if I did. It was definitely a chore. I "ran" 2 miles, but 90% of the time "run" meant to run for about a mile and then take a little break and walk, and then run a bit more.
I decided that I am running a 5k in the beginning of August. And not just any 5k, a 5k with a beastly hill that takes up a huge chunk of the 2nd mile. I'm not going to lie. I am scared. So I decided the best way to train for this so I don't end up walking the last 2 miles is just to start running 3 miles a day even if I have to walk a lot. You have to start somewhere, so that seemed like a good plan for me.
So I mapped out where I was going to go, got my ipod all ready with some great tunes and started on my way. I noticed the battery looked a little low, but I was sure it would last the 40ish minutes I thought it would take me to run/walk 3 miles. And then right at the start of mile 2 as if on cue it just died.
I am sort of an overthinker, especially when it comes to running. Anthony tells me I should just day dream, or think about how awesome I am at running (this is what he does) but the problem is I am not awesome at running, so I just start to think about how much left I have to do, and how tired I am and I start to convince myself that I can't do it. Having my mind unoccupied is a huge mistake when it comes to running. I need to distract it so I forget how much I hate what I am doing and focus on other things.
So I tried to think about something fun I could do when I got home, but that just led to wanting to be done with this faster. I thought about knitting, but that got boring fast, the more I tried to think about other things, the more it came back to how all of those things were better than what I was doing and I wish I could stop. In all of this thinking I had only gone about 1/8 of a mile. It was not looking good.
So I decided to pray.
I started with my daily rosary, and thought about my prayer intentions as I went (the biggest one right then sadly would be that I would live through this run) and after a while I was thinking so much about praying, that I almost forgot that I was still running.
My breathing evened out and I didn't feel like I was going to die anymore (this is one of those "I told you so moments" for Anthony. He has been telling me for years that if I just ran long enough that I am going to die feeling would go away. I didn't believe him) My legs got tried, but I could make them keep going. It was hard, but it was not impossible like I had felt it was in the past.
I told myself that as long as I was still praying I could not stop, and I wanted to finish that rosary. As I finished I could see my ending spot, giving up that close to the end would be silly, so I sped up, prayer one last "Memorare" and finished my first ever 3 mile run in 31 minutes and 30 seconds. I actually smiled standing on that trail as I ran past the bench that marks my start and stop.
Since then I ran 3 miles on Wednesday, and 3 miles again last night. Each time stopping my music at the 2nd mile and starting the rosary. Last nights time was 29:40.
Since March (right before I started running) I've lost 11 lbs in addition to the babyweight, I've lost almost 9" and my clothes fit again! Some of them are even a bit too loose.
More importantly though, I look forward to my runs now. Not only for what I have accomplished, but for that quiet strengthening time with God. Where it's just the two of us and the wooded trail. I'm still nervous about the race in a few weeks, but now I know I can do it, and that I don't have to do it alone.
|My sad duct taped excuse for running shoes. They're not even actually running shoes. I really need new shoes.|